North American Medici??
The medieval voice of Machiavelli haranguing into the future?
leaves us guessing, but not for long. If you have a taste for irony you’ll find yourself chuckling through this artful exposé of modern screwball statecraft.
—Tobin Owl
Niccolò Machiavelli to Magnificent Joe and Glamourous Justin de Medici, greetings!
As a longtime advisor to your Glorius family, I take it upon myself to draw your attention to several principles regarding the actions of great men that I once took it upon myself to share with your illustrious forebears.
Had they but applied this wisdom more astutely, all may have gone well with them. As I see that you are in an even more precarious position than they ever allowed Fortuna to place them in, it is with urgency and out of genuine solicitude for your success, and the endurance of your states, that I have come out of the retirement of my study, where I appear in the ancient courts before ancient men, from whom I learn the ways of this corrupt world.
In my Prince, which I once offered as the most valuable gift I possessed to a ruler not less propitiously placed than yourselves, I distilled several principles of statecraft, which, if anyone should follow them, would be aided thereby in the acquisition of states and the maintenance of them thereafter.
You, my dear Princes, have not learned these lessons!
As your positions are tenuous and your need for assistance urgent, I remind you of some of these maxims which, if employed, will help to correct the path you are now on.
One: Men should either be caressed or eliminated because they avenge themselves for slight offenses but cannot do so for great ones.
You, instead, keep swatting at your opponents, constantly keeping them agitated, but never actually removing them as a threat. This weaponizing of judicial institutions is not a good long-term strategy. Either leave them alone or destroy them!
Two: For there is in truth no securer mode to possess the provinces of your lands in opposition to your policies than to ruin them.
Again, you constantly anger the majority of your citizens, especially those in more rural areas. You flood them with unwanted immigrants. You have a subaltern on the border in open opposition to your regime with an armed force under his command. Don’t you know that militias are fit only for a free people? You enact economic policies to harm them. But you do not ruin them. Either favor them, so that they may join you, or reduce them to submission.
Three: It should be considered that nothing is more difficult to handle, more doubtful of success, nor more dangerous to manage, than to put oneself at the head of introducing new modes and orders.
What are your fixations on sexual oddity? Puppy handlers? Women admirals who have a 5 o’clock shadow? The likes of that have not been seen since the golden days of the Royal Navy. Is that what you wish to borrow form that illustrious fighting force? Were either of you behind the beer can fiasco? To what end does this new order serve? Certainly not to the security of your position or the strength of your state.
Four: Those cruelties can be called well used that are done at a stroke and are not persisted in. Those cruelties are badly used are those that are few in the beginning but grow with time.
Neither of you ever tire of abusing your subjects and rubbing their faces in it. This allows resentment to grow. And what is it about people’s kids? Pornographic textbooks for fifth graders (they just don’t need to know what a bunghole is), boys in the girl’s locker rooms, and drag queen… what?! Leave the kids alone. True, I wasn’t explicit about this before, but I didn’t think I had to be. Only grief will come to you over that.
Further, your subjects, due to their previous history as free peoples, expect a certain degree of individual liberty. I hope you won’t repeat the mistakes associated with ‘lock downs,’ ‘vaxx mandates,’ and all of that. It will be easier to allow them to maintain the illusion of liberty than to get them to wholly give up that value.
Five: The great and powerful wish to oppress and the people wish to not be oppressed.
You must restrain the avaricious within your domain, not ally with them. Ever think of actually supporting truckers, farmers, unions, etc…? Weren’t they all ‘essential’ not so long ago? They actually are, you know?
Six: The principle foundations that all states have are good laws and good arms.
Neither of you respect the laws. You essentially get to make them. Make ones you will follow for goodness sake. Otherwise, you will need the good arms and, if I were you, I would not trust that your militaries are with you.
Seven: A prince should read histories and consider in them the actions of excellent men.
Both of your countries have produced great statesmen and virtuous leaders. How about behaving like any of them? Just pick one, they were all better than you—you can’t go wrong!
Eight: If a prince wishes to maintain a reputation for generosity, he will necessarily have to take the wealth from his subjects. A wise prince abstains from the property of his subjects and from their women.
Making play money through your central banks is the same as taking real money: the wealthy largely pocket the actual funds and the common people are left with the inflation. Stop it. You can’t even afford to pay off the pretend debts. The people don’t actually want to be bought off, just not ripped off.
Nine: It is better to be feared than loved, but you must contrive to avoid being hated.
Well, neither Justin’s smirk nor Joe’s sporadic outbursts cultivate fear exactly. And you are both doing really poorly at avoiding being hated. It’s hard to have power, be stupid, and not end up being hated. You can look for good counselors and listen to them.
Ten: Since men are bad, one must only keep faith and tell the truth when it serves their interest. However, a prince must appear to possess religion.
When you’re lying, you need to try to sound convincing. It only works if you succeed in fooling the people. Also, you could try to look like decent people.
Eleven: What makes him contemptible is to be held variable, light, effeminate….
Justin, we need to talk. Joe, I suppose you can’t help it with the illness and all. I like the bomber jacket and reflective sunglasses; that’s a good move. Justin, don’t even think it—you would look even sillier in those than you do in your designer suits.
Twelve: The prince who has more fear of the people than of foreigners ought to make fortresses.
Contrary to your inclinations, I would actually build the fortresses in the far remote parts of your countries. The people there hate you, but they are few in number. Avoid large cities where a confluence of enemies can descend upon you quickly.
But it may be too late either way. I see the wheel of Fortuna turning. You are giving ‘elites’ a bad name. I now have other letters to write based on my more republican writings.
Ever Faithfully, etc…, etc…
Niccolò
(‘Old Nick’)
In On Social Contract, Jean-Jacques Rousseau offers a controversial interpretation of Machiavelli: “Under the pretext of advising kings, he gave excellent advice to the people. Machiavelli’s Prince is the handbook of republicans.” In a footnote, Rousseau calls Machiavelli an honest man whose “secret intention” was to counsel resistance to tyrants. My own “secret intention,” likewise relegated to a footnote, is not too dissimilar. The following ‘letter’ should be read rather tongue in cheek. The ‘advice’ has a good bit of C.S. Lewis’ Screwtape in it as well.
Machiavelli is quoted and paraphrased throughout. The translation relied upon is that of Harvey C. Mansfield.
W.D James teaches philosophy in Kentucky. His work can be found on Winter Oak Press and on his Substack,
Priceless! Thank you